“I could care less.”

It physically pained me to even write that just now. And don’t even get me started on the sound of it *shudder*…

Here’s the thing, y’all. If you’re using “could” in this expression, I assure you, you should be using “couldn’t”. Seriously. I wouldn’t screw with you on something like this.

See, if you could care less, that means there is a deeper level of not caring that you could, if pressed, reach. Whereas if you say, “I couldn’t care less.” it is clear that you have reached the ultimate frozen bottom of the abyss that is your lack of caring. You could not possibly, under any circumstances, care any less than you do at that moment.

Isn’t that better? I know I feel better. Who needs a drink?